Cloud, Barret and Tifa manage to follow Hojo all the way to his laboratory. Now all that stands in the way of Aeriths freedom is a madman! How will Cloud and the gang defeat Hojo? Find out on FF7MA!

FF7 came out in 1997 on the Sony Playstation and has since been a main stay to the series for fans all over the world. Join Cloud, Tifa, Aerith, Barret & Red XIII in this new TeamFourStar abridged series!

Our Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/teamfourstar
Our Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/teamfourstar
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Store: http://www.sharkrobot.com/team-four-star

Cast:
Hojo – Edwyn “Omahdon”Tiong
Assistant – DasBoSchitt
Cloud – Justin Briner
Barret – Anthony “Antfish” Sardinha
Tifa – Sarah Ann Williams
Zack – Natewantstobattle
Aerith – Kira “Rina Chan” Buckland
Red XIII – Curtis “Takahata101” Arnott
Rude – Marc Swint
Tseng – Scott “KaiserNeko” Frerichs
President Shinra – Graham Stark
Written/Produced/Directed – Takahata101 & Antfish
Editor and Motion Graphics Artist – Lawrence “MasakoX” Simpson
Music Production – Cliff “AinTunez” Weinstein
Intro Music – TheLivingTombstone
Character Art/Animation – Stephan Krosecz

A huge thank you to:

Daniel Hickson
Courtney Davies
Sumender
Tom
KSI Sacred West (Kenneth Ross)
Tyson Bekkers
Kristian Markovich
Evan Parmenter
Mattew E. Cooper
Kieran Malone
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Cole Stormoen
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Adam Staiger
Willis Taylor
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And all of our other Patreon contributors!
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  • Aeiward

    “That women has no head” … straight faced… lmfo. And i didn’t get the “you did nothing wrong” till now… hilarious… omg lol… (RIP RW)

  • VocalIntrovert

    I liked the “repress, repress” part. Good character development for Tifa.

  • Justin Time

    So where can I audition to replace Tseng’s voice?

    • Len

      Well, that was an unnecessarily obnoxious insult..

  • Salas

    Wait…

    Now, I’ve never actually played FFVII but I have heard enough to know there is some content that you need to do some experimenting with chocobos and possibly suppress some moral objections.

    Does anyone think Hojo’s experimenting a comment on that?

    • Justin Time

      Nah, Hojo really was planning to breed Aerith and Red in the game.

      • Salas

        Fair enough, though I had been aware of that particular part…though no idea how a scientist thought that would actually work.

        In other news, it occurred to me that TFS already made a chocobo breeding joke in the second episode so nevermind.

  • andymoo

    That woman has no head.

  • SuperSatan5

    That Hojo laugh… Is going to haunt my dreams.

    • Cameron N.

      Who’s worse? Hojo or Popo?

  • StormShadows2

    i need more of this just what happens next in this version especially with tifa who cant remeber shit from when she was high

  • Maphisto86

    After this performance, Edwyin was probably picking splinters and stuffing out of his teeth for weeks. Seriously that was pretty awesome.

  • EvilFuzzy9

    ‘You should listen to the girl with the butt.”

    Had to replay that to make sure I heard it right. Then I sniggered. Then I felt tempted to go looking for ecchi and/or hentai Aerith/Aeris fan art.

    Red XIII knows what’s up.

    (one fine day with a woof and a purr…)

  • NudeBeerus

    These videos never load for me.
    Using Chrome, east coast.

  • hillerj

    That bit where Hojo’s explaining what the ‘experiment’ entails… Comedy. Gold.

    Horrific, but still freaking hilarious. Barret and Tifa’s reactions cinched it.

  • YukoValis

    Seriously people.. cloud was laughing at the end, he doesn’t mind the sex part at all. This is given away when he even laughs before hand when the president said they would be given to hojo anyway.

    • wcthesecret

      i doubt that was happy laughter.

  • RavenScales

    I find it hilarious how cloud DOESN’T want to have sex with Tifa.

    • Giant_Neckbeard

      Edwyn “Omahdon” Tiong, we salute you for that amazing performance. “This. Is. My. Fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffetiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish! *Maniacal cackling*”

      I can’t stop watching that over and over again …

      And considering how much damage Tifa does to him, it’s understandable. Also her willingness to use sex as a weapon in the previous chapters probably factors into things. She seems to be a sadist/cruel dom at best, and Cloud seems to be very much not into that …

      • wcthesecret

        she seems like a strap on user. i dont like those people.

      • Turin747

        Well, OG Cloud might be down for the choking but not the strap ons. lol

  • Ed130 The Vanguard

    Is it possible to get a clean version of derp-faced Red XIII from the video plash image?

    It is one of the funniest parts of a hilarious episode.

  • Turin747

    Some of my early criticisms still remain but Machinabridged is actually a lot of fun now. Well done, guys.

    Tifa & Barret are by far the MVP’s of the show at the moment.

  • Prince Nocturne

    So now we’ve got Takahata101, KaiserNeko, AntFish, and Rina Chan, with appearances by MasakoX, LRR’s Graham, Kirbopher…. THIS HAS SO MANY OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE IN IT!

    How long before Lani gets in this? I’ll bet he’s either Sephiroth or Rufus. Though I could also see him doing a really good Cid.

    • Scion Thanatos

      Lani’s already in here.
      He’s Reeve.

  • DogeMaster

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  • This was very fun
    Surprisingly i am not surprised about the fetish thing
    Why didn’t he used a human for Arith then the child would be normal
    Why is Cloud complain about having sex with Tifa? sure this Tifa is a bitch but she still has a great body

    • Rapidfyrez

      1. Because its his fetish.
      2. Cloud was being sarcastic. You can hear him laughing at the end.

      • wcthesecret

        i dont think that was laughter.

    • Ed130 The Vanguard

      Its called Briar Patching, aka reverse psychology. Note the laughing at the beginning.

      • wcthesecret

        i still douibt he wants it.

  • Scorpion_Unleashed

    Please tell me that Rufus Shinra will sound like Seto Kaiba from Yu-Gi-Oh Abridge’d; it pretty much fits the character. heh

    • They’re on the roof, about to fight… “Screw the rules! I’ve got MAKO!!!”

  • Zarramoth

    His name is Nanaki. Very disappointed went with Calling him Red XIII. They better have a good joke lined up with this later on.

    • Probably something to go along abandoning his heritage and all that, until he remembers everything after seeing his father’s statue, then insisting he be called Nanaki to the complete dismissal of his “friends”.

    • KaiserNeko

      … they don’t even reveal that name until Cosmo Canyon.

  • CptHungrySpy

    Uhh, is there a scene missing at 6:40? It jumps from them all talking in the lab to Cloud alone in the elevator, apparently being captured and Airth already gone?

    • Scion Thanatos

      No. You know how the group has a tendency to pop out of Cloud’s body? It’s to help save room for interaction, so the group’s never seen unless the scene needs them to be seen.
      Since the elevator is too small to fit a total of six people and a half-dog half-cat at that one moment, it makes much more logical sense to just have the party get carried around by Cloud.

  • ukhan24

    Anyone know the music that played when Red Xlll was introduced?

  • Grahav

    Tifa the Liar is a detestable cunt.

    She is hilarious!

    Great acting by Sarah ann Willians.

  • Yojimaru

    Of all the directions I anticipated them taking Red XIII, derpy Canadian was not one of them. Makes me wonder what they have in store for some of my other favs.

  • GrandLordAtos

    I was honestly worried how they would handle Hojo’s rather uncomfortable method of scienc-ing, but holy shit they pulled it off perfectly and made what has to be the best joke this series has come up with so far out of it.

    I do want to see more of Red, because I can’t really gauge what I think about him at this point in time.

  • IcepickEvans

    That woman has no head.

  • MalkavianRP

    Barret’s No abomination shall be born this day should be on a t-shirt

  • Super Human

    Show of hands…how many people think Barret will be taking a Selfie with President Shinra’s impaled corpse while laughing his ass off in the next episode?

    • ArtemioM05

      Barret: I spit a racial slur, Honky, sue me! This shit’s a horror flick but the Black Guy doesn’t die in this movie!

      • Super Human

        Any day when a black guy (or black woman) kicks ass and fights for the common man is my kinda day. 😀

  • Mikeline

    President Shinra: …One of us will be dead.

    Sephiroth: I couldn’t agree more.

    President Shinra: Wait, who are y… OMG AHHHHHHH!!!!

  • Winst

    Taka and Antfish, if by chance either of you see this comment (ha), is there a chance Vincent and Yuffie will make appearances in the series? Since they are both considered optional party members in the game, I thought that may factor into their possible inclusion in your series.

    • jdgjordan

      taka said in a podcast that they will show up and he also said he cant wait to get to Yuffie.

      • I kinda hope vincent is just that one guy who thinks he’s The Crow, or every emo kid ever. Either one, but I do hope it’s a less obvious characterization.

      • Oh, oh! Like just make him have Cell’s voice out of nowhere! that would be awesome. He kinda fits the profile: vampiric, transforms, uses a gun… wait, can lani do his batman voice for ’em? PLEEEAASE?! either one, actually. I’m not sure if there’s any game footage of vincent eating people…

  • that Jenova scene…. ow my heart.

  • PandaMan

    There needs to be a Barret Plays series

  • Lazy Prinny

    I loved Red’s presentation here. I can’t wait to see how he develops and mixes into the cast!

    But Hojo totally stole the show. No lie.

  • GotenksXe

    I liked Tifa not being a bitch for once. It was nice.

    • Len

      I’ve noticed that she has kinda toned down the bitchiness since Ep.8. And yeah, it is nice to see that she does actually give a damn about Cloud’s feelings.

  • ScionFrost

    Epic foreshadowing is epic.

  • Salas

    That deadpan “I do” was as splendid as Red XIII.

  • wcthesecret

    …tifa seems like a very unpleasant woman to be around. and im assuming from how she acts, one man wouldnt be able to to fill her down there if you catch my offensive drift.

    • Len

      Meh, Cloud’s a super-soldier experiment infused with alien DNA and magic. He’s got the stamina to handle this.

      • wcthesecret

        i just hope he can hold her off. nobody should be forced to fuck such a screeching banshee

      • wcthesecret

        and how many people do you think have been there before him, since it sounds like theyve hinted at her being like that in the past.

      • ArtemioM05

        Its funny you point out Tifa’s dad and Sephiroth. It just occurred to me that in the game proper Tifa doesn’t really display any real hatred towards him, not really. When it came to Shinra Tifa was willing to join a terrorist organization, but when Sephiroth shows up she’s more or less, “meh”. Not really the reaction someone should have for the person who actually was responsible for the destruction of everything and everyone she loved. Sure she wants to stop him because he’s evil and the fate of the planet is at stake, etc. But she doesn’t even display a tenth of the obsession Cloud has for taking him down.

        Makes me curious if this version of Tifa will flip her shit when Sephiroth shows up and basically try to go Terminator on him.

    • ArtemioM05

      Cloud has Mako poisoning and Jenova cells. If anything Tifa should be scared of catching something from him.

      • wcthesecret

        …mako poisoning?

    • ArtemioM05

      Well…correct me if I’m wrong but mako poisoning is mentioned when a human being is exposed to a high amount of Mako.

      Warning to those who HAVE NOT SOMEHOW PLAYED FINAL Fantasy 7 YET ARE WATCHING ABRIDGED. SPOILERS!

      Members of SOLDIER are infused with mako to enhance their fighting capabilities, but as Sephiroth pointed out in Mt Nibel’s reactor, Hojo had been exposing his subje cts to a far higher degree. As a side effect, anyone infused with Mako had the unnatural gleam in their eye, something that many people note when they meet Cloud, assuming it the result of being part of SOLDIER. However Cloud was never in SOLDIER and thus was never exposed to the conventional methods of mako infusement. Cue Hojo. When Cloud is experimented on he is not only infused with the Jenova cells but also a high degree of Mako, which made him incredibly sickly. So much so that Zack had to protect him on the journey from Nibelheim to Midgar and it explained his disheveled and catatonic state when Tifa initially found him. It was a state that the other clones exhibited, though admittedly the Jenova Cells could be equally responsible for his sorry state.

      • wcthesecret

        …so youre telling me that tifa is taking advantage of and making a sick dying man her personal man slave and possibly now sex slave? ………………………………………KILL HER WITH DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND ICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND LIGHTNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE DESERVES PURE DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • ArtemioM05

      Well to be fair to this version of Tifa she presumably doesn’t know about that ugly business and she clearly has some morals to be repulsed by Hojo’s experimental “methods” That said, yes, yes she is a bitch.

      *Steps on soapbox* However, I like to think that’s the point. Hopefully TFS will give her a character arc where she learns to be more considerate and kind. Perhaps that’s why I’m okay with this depiction’s blatant departure from the original. I’m a sucker for redemption stories and Final Fantasy 7 has more than enough segments where Tifa can reflect on who she is as a person, the decisions she’s made, and to make the choice to stay the course or to grow into a better person. *Steps off soapbox*

      • wcthesecret

        …you still hope that cloud doesnt have to fuck that probable chick from teeth aka tifa right? …holy shit, tifa, teeth, THEY SOUND THE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • wcthesecret

        TIFA HAS TEETH IN HER VAGINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Len

        She does seem like she’s softened up a bit (I emphasize “a bit”) going by that fact she was legitimately worried about Cloud when he fell to his seeming doom in the Mako reactor and how she tried to comfort him when he had his temporary breakdown(as opposed to before when she just made fun of him by calling a pussy). Plus, despite the fact she and Aerith don’t hide the fact they don’t like one another, she was still pissed at Tseng for slapping her.

        So yeah, Abridged Tifa is a bitch that I reminds me all too much of Revy of Black Lagoon, but she has some morals in that voluminous chest of hers. Plus, there’s the hint that her personality has a lot to due with Sephiroth’s attack on her village and murdering her father. So, hopefully, she’ll ease up later on when this is addressed in future episodes.

  • Inu

    holy crap Taka’s range as Red XIII is amazing. i had to double check who was voicing him for that.
    also Marc Swint as Rude? why isn’t he voicing more stuff for you guys? that voice is FANTASTIC.

    • Salas

      They did get him to voice the Narrator in Super Android 13, so he is definitely in some of their stuff.

  • Argent

    I am equally intrigued and appalled at your representation of Nana–Red XIII in this series. That being said, I am going to enjoy seeing how this develops as we see more of his personality in later episodes.

  • Vlossy

    The way Barret reacted to the idea of being included in experimentation.. PRICELESS.

  • ArtemioM05

    Kind of wondering if they’re holding Sample H0512 for during Sephiroth’s rampage through Shinra HQ. Maybe it gets released and the party tackles it in a thirty second to a minute long gag battle. If they don’t, then I get it, but like so many other segments that have been already skipped it’d be yet another shame.

  • MuffinButton4Life

    Ha yes. I’ve been waiting for DogCat. I’m glad Taka is playing him.

  • jdgjordan

    OMG Tifa point that who says potato that way YEESS i have been saying/asking that for years..TIFA BEST CHARACTER in GREATEST show on the North America Continent. ALL PRAISE FF7MA ALL PRAISE!!!

  • Len

    Hojo is the best and most horrifying THING in this episode. Jesus Christ, no small wonder why Sephiroth is so screwed up since he came from this guy’s loins. And I officially put Hojo on my “Creepiest Memetic Characters of the Internet” list, right under Mister Popo and Abridged Brock.

  • Silv3r_Wolf

    WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • NinjAxXxRecoN

    Man, this series is progressing like the “Walking Dead” video game series.

  • FFXFANATIC

    I fucking died at “This. Is. My. FFFFFETIIIIIIISSH!!” Hojo’s VA wouldn’t make a bad Kefka either.

    The show keeps getting better as the party gets bigger. Honestly I wasn’t too sure about it at the beginning but it’s really come together well.

  • rmeade

    Barret still owes Tiffa money from when they bet if cloud would live xD.

  • MajinCell

    I like this guy.
    I’m splendid.
    Best lines

  • TheGreatEscapist

    Aw, man. I love the illustration for Red XIII. Cute derpy face cat/dog thing…

    Also, Taka’s voice for him, I love it. There’s a quality to it that reminds me of some character, either from Disney, Muppets or Rocky and Bullwinkle. I can’t put my finger on it, but I love it anyway. I wanna adopt Red XIII, even if his tail would probably set my curtains on fire.

    • Mimic

      He kinda sounds like Launchpad Mcquack or Doug from Up to me

      • TheGreatEscapist

        Oh, you’re right on both of those! 😀
        No wonder Red XIII sounds so huggable.

  • Ded1

    so, you should have ended it with a slashing sound effect, and president shinra going “And who, my good sir, are you?”

  • ArtemioM05

    I’d love it if Aerith started trying to get the rest of the party to become members of her family. Like Red XIII as their pet. Barret as the dad. Cloud as her boyfriend, and Tifa as the little sister. I can see some of the scenes now…

    Cloud: I can’t believe you’re going to stay with Aerith’s mom Tifa…

    Tifa: Well at least the ren-

    Aerith: OH MY GOSH! I had no idea my mom adopted you! I always wanted a little sister! We’ll braid each others hair, sell flowers-

    Tifa: Hey! Basket case! I’m not an orphan alright! And I’m not about-

    Aerith: Well do you have parents?

    Tifa: What!? That’s-

    [Flashback to Nibelheim and Tifa’s dead dad]

    Tifa: Daddy…

    [The present]

    Tifa: No. But that’s not-

    Aerith: Then it’s settled. Don’t worry Mom will take care of you. You won’t ever have to worry about being homeless ever again.

    Tifa: The @$%# that even mean? Like I can’t pay rent you little-

    Aerith : Why would you pay rent?

    Tifa: Because –

    Aerith : What kind of horrible person would charge their own daughter money to stay with them? I’d never let my mom ever do something like that.

    Tifa: No rent?

    Aerith : As your big sis I promise you’ll never be charged a single gil to stay in our house.

    Tifa: ………I love you Big Sis! (Hugs Aerith)

    Aerith: (squeels in delight)

    Cloud: Really Tifa? Since-

    Tifa: (Whispers) Don’t @$%# this up for me Cloud…

    Cloud: But-

    Tifa: (Whispers) They have a @$%#ing waterfall…

    • Ded1

      ok, that is fucking perfect! Should defiantly happen.

      • Ded1

        err, definitely.

    • Silv3r_Wolf

      Omg I want this in the next episode.

    • Len

      MAKE IT HAPPEN, TFS! ^_^

      Seriously, that was a well-written piece and it would be awesome to see.

    • android19

      of all the suggestions I’ve seen in the comments for this series, this is probably one of the best written. Props.

    • RenegadeForLife

      Dude, that is brilliant, and I could totally see that being a thing in the future! XD

  • waves_blade

    ITS JUST A WORD, SUPRESS SUPRESS!

    TIFA’S HOLDING OUT!

  • thepopeofatheism

    That President Shinra performance is… unskippable.

  • 8472ofborg

    Red XIII is named Nanaki…Surprised that wasn’t a name gag. You know, like “Nanaki” Delete “Crotch Sniff” Delete “Big Red” Delete “Red XIII” and his first line after it would be like “My name is Dende.”

  • MalkavianRP

    Is RedXIII gonna be prominent? cause he wasn’t all that entertaining. Sorry Taka

    • 8472ofborg

      Kinda agree with this one. Make him a nerd and explain his behavior on him being drugged up by Hojo or make him a complete hick (either fits the characters massive backstory in the game.) Not sure how you are going to do his entire village if you leave him as a semi deficient puppy

      • KefkaesqueXIII

        I think it’s supposed to be interpreted that Hojo’s experiments have messed up his brain rather than him being naturally dumb.

    • Streetguru

      They’re probably going to use each character for their Story Arcs within the game and have cloud tifa barret for the rest of it

      • MalkavianRP

        That i’d be okay with because I think RedXIII stopped being plot relevant after Cosmo Canyon

  • FoLokinix

    Fucking Canadian. I’m so thoroughly confused right now.

  • JustSomeGuywithaMustache

    Ruh-roh, Roud!

  • Cooldude48

    Hojo is he…is he…BROCK!!

    • spartenX

      Breeeeeeding

      • Len

        And suddenly, Sephy’s mommy issues take a new dimension of sense.

  • tidus_mi2

    In DBZA this would be where it would say “Epic Foreshadowing”.

  • Myriad Truth

    “you can’t make me have sex with Tifa!”
    Yeah sure…

  • Lheticus

    That ending…you BOTH don’t have any idea HOW CORRECT YOU ARE!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

  • YukoValis

    Why yes, that is a very accurate prediction for the next time they meet. lol Also will cloud be “forced” to go all the way with Tifa? I hope so. 🙂

    • Tobicapriroy01

      Sorry, but that probably will not happen. Though there will be a under the highwind scene so… Probably going to be a sex scene there. 😀

      • Len

        Yeah, I sincerely doubt that they’ll go all the way right now. I just look forward to what they’ll be up to before they’re interrupted.

  • Gram91

    This episode literally made me laugh until it hurt.

    Thank you.

  • chcoman123

    Wait…Wait…Wait…Wait…Wait…Wait……………………….THAT DOG CAN TALK?

  • eskreskao

    “You did nothing wrong”
    Is Cloud literary Hitler?

    • eskreskao

      *literally. Durr hurr, typos ruining the joke.

    • Zack Osbourne

      Literary Hitler sounds like the singular term for a Grammar Nazi o.O